GERBERA

I need more sleep ;( My mother woke me up this morning like 'Anne wake up! They are here to service your aircond'. I stood up, lazily, walking to the master bedroom then kaching, there's no window. Everything outside was so crystal clear. I walked passed through the main living room, no windows, no doors. I entered the family room, no windows namnit what happened? I went upstairs but every single room smells like paint. And that's when I realized the sound of truck engines, people walking on our roof, bouncing metal etc. So damn annoying. I have nowhere else to go hesh they are remaking everything right now ahh. Oh and just now, I heard a loud BOOM coming from the outside. Then the workers were screaming and shouting. I rushed to the kitchen door and I saw a young man on the ground, with bloods everywhere. Lots and lots and lots of em. They told me that he fell off the roof and something about the 'zinc'. I was so nervous that I went inside hihi.

BITCH

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need em again someday

I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I've been searching but I just don't see the signs

I know it's out there

There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light

Not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

Not just another negotiation

And If I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I'll be there for you till the end

Gift

August 16th 2000

I was watching The Fox and The Hound when suddenly I heard a scream. My twin brothers rushed to the kitchen. I followed. From the minute I walked in the kitchen door, I felt a strange sensation in my stomach. Red blood was everywhere. My mom's giving birth.

"Call your dad! Call your dad now!"

My brother did all the things she said. I can't help but to be in shock. I was six at that time okay? Duhh. I ran to the hills infront of my house. I stood there, crying. My heart pounded so badly I swear that was the only sound I could hear at that moment. I saw a car entering my house, it was my dad. I looked away. I didn't want to see my mum suffer. Then I heard the car drove off at high speed. Everything was silent. I looked at the beach. . I closed my eyes, in my tiny heart I kept saying ''everything's gonna be okay''. My wish gone with the wind. I inhaled, exhaled. The smell of ocean entered my nose. I walked back to my house.

...After a few hours of waiting, impatiently...

"Hello, are you guys okay?"

"Hey yes yes we're all fine"

"Get ready. I'll be there in 15 minutes. We're going to the hospital"

"Okay bye"

I looked at my mum, she smiled. She was holding some'thing' tiny. A tiny reddish baby. It was a boy. Another boy seriously mum? I looked at him. I smiled, saying to myself,

"Hey Fliky, we're going to have an epic adventure"

We used to be so closed. I carried him around, fed him his bottles and else. We can't be separated. He got sick when I'm not around. He's the one who put the smile on my face. Although I was always annoyed, I don't care 'cause he's just wonderful. We play together all the time. Used to.. used to.. Everything's changed, my little brother is growing up. It's really disorienting. My little brother is becoming brainy and tall. There's no more sisterly love like I used to. A little, maybe. Because he's with his secrets, his phone has a lock code, we spent our day doing our own things. How timely, actually.

Hey silly, if you read this, maybe someday, I want you to know that I hate you, nahh I love you. We've been through ups and downs but we always get back together again. I miss our old times. I'm sorry that sometimes I yelled at you, trust me whenever I did something like that, I felt very guilty. You will always be my little buddy. Always.

C'est dream

Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow.

Anonymous

I'm mecha, you're orga ;)

I've been feeling really sad for the past few days. I know I'm not alone that feel awful in some days/week when your self esteem is just shot. From other people's view, I have it all. But honestly, no. It is a very different story from my point of view. But not anymore hihi, I'm happy right now that I've got my appetite back.

I'm currently sitting on my favourite armchair with my favourite drink (Bundaberg ginger beer). Umm I'm pretty sure I don't have anything stunningly poignant to say. I just read a novel called 'Its Not Summer Without You' by Jenny Han. The story was about Isabel who just wants everything to stay the same, because change means moving on. I enjoyed the book. I could not help but laugh and cry through the entire book. You should get one.

Warning : cuss here and there.

I'm going to Shah Alam on the 3rd of March yay ;) I'm going to meet my friends, I'll roger you guys later. And for 22nd,  results is out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.

So sit back, relax and read my favourite poem.

Remember me- I said

to myself, yesterday.

remember today's happiness

to carry yourself through

the sorrows of tomorrow.

by this, you may keep yourself

alive

so I tried.

But we are creatures of the moment

we live for seconds

so we may live through days;

and days are all

we shall remember

when we look back upon years.

To hell and back

WARNING, SHORT GRAPHIC STORY

Back when I was a girl, I was having symptoms and was ignoring them. Then my parents made me go to the hospital after I suddenly fell while playing with my cousins. We went to our local hospital and had an MRI, i think? I can't remember. They looked at my results and saw a soft grey white tissue in aggregate of 3cm on the right side of my head. I had the surgery ASAP, a few weeks later because lymph nodes of the head increased both in size and in number. Below is the actual picture.

Benign Follicular Hyperlasia of Lymph Node

Blegh

Nothing comes to mind as I lay here typing away endlessly thinking about appropriate text to follow. It's so quite inside this house, I can echo through the walls -__-" My family don't speak much and we eat alone at different times. We're not trying to avoid each other, um coincidence maybe? But I still love them, always and forever.

Your best friend is happy, of course she is, she has her new boyfriend who loves her.

Your mum chilling around with her friend, leaving you all alone at home when you needed her the most.

Your brother just got home, after partying with his friends, with a big smile on his face-at least he's happy.

And then you looked at yourself in the mirror, and was like 'what's the point?' You've tried so hard to get through to people, but then you think. Who. Who the hell is going to make you happy?

Conclusion is, that's life. Dont obsess over problems no matter how big or small. Or you may forget who you are which is the scariest of all things. You just got to push through it and have a smile on your face.