Thursday, January 15, 2015

Life In Concentration Camp

Drawing about the living hell by an escaped prisoner of North Korean Concentration Camp

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

A Line for 3 Years

As a victim of my own thoughts I've tried and still trying my best to have a distance between expressing and living, congratulating my gravity or these threads would float around and drowns me down. On the very last day I bought a diary from Typo and I've been writing since then. I do not have a phone yet..again post them up here. I love how I can actually use the diary for 3 years but the cover is polkadotish which is obviously the opposite side of me but naw you don't judge the book by its cover;yet sometimes I do. I couldn't find a matching pen for it oh hell no not mentioning a polka dot pen please, just a plain black pen//a colorful markers would be hella work.

I didn't write anything on the 1st of January as I got it on the 3rd same goes to the 2nd day of the month. It is filled with the upcoming important characters who are currently living inside this book Tough;Dad Sexy;Mom Baby;Jun Caplan;Brother Guilt;Brother Fliky;Brother et cetera. 2nd is filled with photos(which I will post soon) and my answer to

What Do You Love Most About The Weekend?
Sleep. Where the surface of the bed will be amazingly 10x better than before sleeping. Where I can recall the face of the people that I passed by the previous night, knowing that they do not need to be efficient the next day, less responsibilities, relaxed. Where the leader will make time for their families, weekend is where the malls are full of crying babies and the kids laughter;while the parents would sometimes fight of the burden. Where the volunteers of Pandawas School sacrificing their time for the sake of the kids future. Where I..can be home enjoying my tea while it's raining.

Let's not write about myself.

This post is supposed to be long but let's just wait until I have the mood to write or a phone will post a photo up first. Surprise..................


On the 3rd of January, I bought this book. I was with Jun, Koochi and Nad. I didn't talk much or wasn't I always like that(?) I just wanted to enjoy my last night in silence knowing that once I reach home I would be on my bed crying;still in silence. It's not hard to fake up a smile. That night, the bedroom was strange, it was empty. Unfamiliar. My eyes adjust to some dark coloured pants folded neatly I still remember the view, it was the preparation for tomorrow. This is it, the goodbye.

The question for the day was when and where was your last selfie? It was in Jun's car all along. I might update the photos but with my face blurred out are there still points? I didn't write much. My fingertips were sad.


I woke up, wishing it was still November.
Goodbye lovely people. 
My memory splits there.

Sometimes when I'm alone, I like to?
I spend a lot in the kitchen. I love it when mom is not home. The medicine corner, I don't know. I read the descriptions of each and I would google them up. I don't know what I want to do it was just addictive but I do not take any. I'm also a darkstuff addict;horror,mystery,scifi. If I were to have a laptop(it was broken too, recently), I would have more than 5 bar for them, I love to read them up. I am not going to mention here of what I am believing because there's risk of sickheads attacking me on asking me about believing in God. Why don't I answer you here, I do not worship demon..I know my religion.


coma baby, with your sick head
the doctors saved you, but you're still dead
through your scalp I would like to reach in
so i could pull out the monster you've been

but you would do anything to
destroy the body that they rescued
your sick little head, so brain damaged
lying in that hospital bed

coma baby, the cry of your bones
and your skull when it split on the road
i wish i'd find all your lonely remnants
of you that left when your head cracked open

but you would do anything to
destroy the body that they rescued
your sick little head, so brain damaged
lying in that hospital bed

lately i can't recognize you
the doctors lied when they said they saved you
you're just the shell of the boy that you've been
and you're dying, i can feel it



What makes you unique?
I don't.

Monday, January 12, 2015


Good night to my fellow sick readers. The reason why I am writing at this hour is to tell you that I am safe and alive. Let's just forget about what happened to me previously. Thank you to those who texted asking whether I was there and wanted to talk. I didn't reply any, deepest apology from me but I remember each of you. I do not have a phone right now because it's broke(dad said I would destroy everything thats on my reach;which is quite true), I am currently using my old iPod which has limited space with only wechat inside. My brother left his laptop unattended so I wouldn't miss the opportunity to visit my networks. So I am so very very very sorry to a certain friend of mine who thinks I have a rotten soul. I do extremely agree but let's have a different point of views alright? I won't judge yours so let me be. 

I am no longer in school, I graduated;yay. I am now home with the relatives telling me how skinny I am and mom is hiding whatever pills or The first thing that I did wasn't greeting my family, but greeting the weighing scale. Let's just say I don't have anorexia since I haven't went through diagnosis yet but I met all the criteria. But I do feel like Ana is always around. She asked me to stopped eating, she asked me to be aware of the calories, it's her fault. F you Ana.

How can someone drown for so long and stay alive?

I am no longer a teen. My peripheral personality is still somewhere stucked in a land of cactus at an undiscovered desert and does not want to let the conclusion out. I am sad to admit that I am a confused prick who tries to swim a different stream. As for my future planning, dad asked me to stay home and eat a lot for now. I want to work but it has to be working with animals(although I graduated with something else). Is it okay if I work at the zoo? Can I survive? God knows how I love animals. I was thinking of opening an organization for the strays but I want more, I need to be in the wildlife. I need to face the wild animals;thats my dream. And I love kids but I get bored easily of doing the same thing everyday, maybe teaching the refugees once in a week is okay. Oh my god I am useless. 

The night is painful. I will try to blog as often as you farted.

Here's a swimming frog, goodnight.