Growing old just brings sorrow. But you have no choice. You're gonna make it someday. Lift up your eyes and see the sun is rising. Be amazing.
2001, every evening I would go to Ibu', my Indonesian aunt's house which only took a few minutes. I would talk to her, help her in the kitchen. There was a swing tied to a tree in front of her house so we would play there sometimes. It was relaxing because the house was just a few meters away from the beach. She would tell me stories. How she missed her daughter, how things were back then. But I'm sure she's okay right now because she finally met her daughter.
Siblings. Siblings. Hm. I have two unidentical twin brothers. 22 years old. We were perfect back then. They treated me like a princess. We played together, we watched tv together. But then, when I was 5, just in a click, everything's gone. Until now, we don't talk unless it's important. We would laugh at the same thing but no, no talking. You don't want to be me. Trust me. And I don't know why. Why? No. Echo-ing in heart.
I was sitting outside of the house, talking to the moon. Not really. It was winter. I was playing with the smoke that came out from my mouth. Then this old man came to me and was like "You want some cake?(holding a plate full of cake)". I said no. It looks delicious but nahh he's a stranger duh. He was too drunk that he told me how he used to be happy with his wife, his kids. I don't even know what was the reason because he went silent for a while and started talking in a different language and pointing at the cars, locus and the pool. He sounded luctisonus but he didn't stop smiling I swear. He made my gloomy night tho. I hope he's happy right now.
But sometimes, I feel like running away you know? Like.. just run.. and not turning back. I want to forget everyone, everything. Like last July, I rode the jet ski and didn't realized that I was drifting around too far. That feeling, when you just flew away, you don't care about anything, was just amazing. The only thing I could see was the red flag that the man at the beach waved at me.
The night before the burial of her husband 2nd Lt. James Cathey of the United States Marine Corps, killed in Iraq, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of him, and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. "I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it" she said. "I think that's what he would have wanted".
Not sure what is more honorable. Being married to this faithful wife to the end or the Marine standing next to the casket watching over them both.
In Rural Wisconsin, there is an old abandoned park. Built in the 1920s, it served as the town's gathering place for everyone.
That is, until a newly developed Train and Tunnel for Tots ride was installed in 1932. It was an innocent looking childish train, with one main (mechanized) head car, with three small trolleys pulled behind it. It went around some loops before going into a small tunnel.
But this is where the story gets weird. There were numerous cases of child deaths that year, all of them happening after the child rode on that train system. Some kids went missing in that short tunnel (about ten feet) and others went comatose after leaving. One, upon exiting, was found to be dead. Her dress was covered in what looked like small bloody handprints. Some killed themselves by scratching at their throats until they bled out, and one of them even killed another child before hanging herself with razor fire at the family's farm.
The park was closed, and the town's popularity as a tourist town plummeted.
Recently, a team of scientists were sent out to the park. They taped a video camera to the train, and put a new intern in with it, before sending it on its way onto the tracks.
When the train left the tunnel, it was empty, except for the camera. The last then seconds were nothing but static, save for the sound of children laughing.
She had everything to live for but, worn down by years of brutal bullying from her peers, 19-year-old Olivia Penpraze's inner demons finally got the better of her. Her parents made the heart-wrenching decision to turn off her life-support machine after she was left brain dead following a suicide attempt.
This was her last message post :
Dear all my lovely followers,
I'm posting this to tell you all goodbye.
I'm sorry that I haven't been on much, I'm sorry I haven't been here for you guys even though I know you all seem to be here for me. It's not fair, and I'm sorry.
Lately, things have just sunk so low, and it's made me realise that it's time for me to go. My mind has finally realized it too, that being alive just isn't working for me, and it's finally clicked, finally my mind has lost the little part of it that wanted to keep living and to keep pushing through. I'm glad that it's finally happened, because it was so hard to fight with myself between living and dying, but now I've finally won, and death it will be.
It's too late to say or do anything that will change my mind, I'm certain of this.
I can't find anything to live for anymore, the only thing I want is to be dead, I don't care what happens to me when I die, I have my beliefs of a happier place, but I don't even care if I go to hell, because anything is better than this life.
I can't express how sorry I am that it's come to this. I never wanted to hurt anyone other than myself. And I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry. I think I'm filled with so much guilt over everything, the only thing I can do is apologise for everything.
I just can't live with this pain anymore, and I've been trying hard for so long to make it better, but I just can't fix anything, and I've given up on trying, and I'm sorry for that too.
Please just know that this is what I want, if you want the best for me and want me to be happy, you'll let me go through with this. Please understand that this is the only option I have, please understand that I can't do this anymore, I just can't.
Again, I'm so sorry, please stay strong, all of you who are struggling and remember that your life is worth it. I know it's contradictory, but your lives will get better, and you will find things to live for, you will be happy. All the terrible things in your lives with eventually go away. It will be okay, I promise.
I will still be here until at least friday night, but after then, if I stop posting, you will know why. I think it's better writing this in advanced, I don't know.
But just know that this is my goodbye.
Thank you all for everything that I've done, without Tumblr, I wouldn't be able to hold on this long.
I wish I could've known this gorgeous girl. She must've been really something. In the minutes I watched her singing video, I cried. She looked so happy but I can see the pain in her eyes. The moment that she said "I'm sorry" twice at the end of her last video has hit me so much. She didn't deserve to die, no matter what anyone says. Rip beautiful angel. Be free, baby xx
"I still love you" "Don't say that" "I don't know if I'll ever get you out of my system, not completely. I have.. this feeling. That you'll always be there. Here" "Let go of me" "Wait" "Let go" "Wait.. wait. Hear me out, just for a minute. Please. I'm begging you" "...." "Two years ago, I fucked up. But not in the way you think. That night.. Do you remember that night? The night we were driving back from school and it was raining so hard, we had to stop at that motel. Do you remember?" "Mmhm" "That night, I didn't sleep at all. I stayed up, thinking about what to do. What was the right thing to do? Because I knew I loved you. But I knew I shouldn't. I didn't have the right to love anybody then. After my mom died, I was so pissed off. I had this anger in me all the time. I felt like I was going to erupt any minute. I didn't have it in me to love you the way you deserved. If I kept you with me, I was going to hurt you somehow. I knew it. So I let you go" "...." "But this summer... God this summer. Being near you again, talking the way we used to talk. You looking at me the way you used to. Just tell me. Do you still feel anything for me?" "No! Don't you get it? You and I.... were never anything"
Salut, it's 2.03 a.m. and I'm here decubitis with my sleepy cat. I've been busy as usual. I went jungle trekking with my friends, SKAL, NNI, NS, FS and AS. There's nothing much happened though. Except on last Wednesday, I woke up with my parents and others speak out about something.
"What happened?" I asked.
"This(holding a red shirt) was found wrapped around the cctv which is pointing towards your room." my mum said.
"Ehh? That's not cool" I said, with a terrified face.
Because sometimes I let my windows open hehe. I won't do that again for sure. Anyway did I tell you about my hair? I used to be an autotonsorialist and one day my dad was like 'Anne, do your hair like that girl on the Tv *pointing at Scha. I was like, okay since I was also bored with my hair. So I went to Ratu and I asked them to cut my hair but not too short. At the same time I did eyelash perming and when it's done, vuala! My hair is shorter than shoulder length. And I hate it. I guess I have to go now xx
I'm in love with this picture. This is at the Grand Teton National Park. Beautiful picture em? Ca me plait so much! So stunning. I love the night sky, the moon and stars. I'm a quidnunc to be honest. Not towards people but outer space. 'Cause you can just look at the sky and forget about your problems, the stars flash in red and blue, trying to imagine how far away they are. It's one of those thing people don't appreciate very often. Sometimes I wish I live on an island away from large cities, where I can hide my eccedentesiast.
I need more sleep ;( My mother woke me up this morning like 'Anne wake up! They are here to service your aircond'. I stood up, lazily, walking to the master bedroom then kaching, there's no window. Everything outside was so crystal clear. I walked passed through the main living room, no windows, no doors. I entered the family room, no windows namnit what happened? I went upstairs but every single room smells like paint. And that's when I realized the sound of truck engines, people walking on our roof, bouncing metal etc. So damn annoying. I have nowhere else to go hesh they are remaking everything right now ahh. Oh and just now, I heard a loud BOOM coming from the outside. Then the workers were screaming and shouting. I rushed to the kitchen door and I saw a young man on the ground, with bloods everywhere. Lots and lots and lots of em. They told me that he fell off the roof and something about the 'zinc'. I was so nervous that I went inside hihi.
I was watching The Fox and The Hound when suddenly I heard a scream. My twin brothers rushed to the kitchen. I followed. From the minute I walked in the kitchen door, I felt a strange sensation in my stomach. Red blood was everywhere. My mom's giving birth.
"Call your dad! Call your dad now!"
My brother did all the things she said. I can't help but to be in shock. I was six at that time okay? Duhh. I ran to the hills infront of my house. I stood there, crying. My heart pounded so badly I swear that was the only sound I could hear at that moment. I saw a car entering my house, it was my dad. I looked away. I didn't want to see my mum suffer. Then I heard the car drove off at high speed. Everything was silent. I looked at the beach. . I closed my eyes, in my tiny heart I kept saying ''everything's gonna be okay''. My wish gone with the wind. I inhaled, exhaled. The smell of ocean entered my nose. I walked back to my house.
...After a few hours of waiting, impatiently...
"Hello, are you guys okay?"
"Hey yes yes we're all fine"
"Get ready. I'll be there in 15 minutes. We're going to the hospital"
I looked at my mum, she smiled. She was holding some'thing' tiny. A tiny reddish baby. It was a boy. Another boy seriously mum? I looked at him. I smiled, saying to myself,
"Hey Fliky, we're going to have an epic adventure"
We used to be so closed. I carried him around, fed him his bottles and else. We can't be separated. He got sick when I'm not around. He's the one who put the smile on my face. Although I was always annoyed, I don't care 'cause he's just wonderful. We play together all the time. Used to.. used to.. Everything's changed, my little brother is growing up. It's really disorienting. My little brother is becoming brainy and tall. There's no more sisterly love like I used to. A little, maybe. Because he's with his secrets, his phone has a lock code, we spent our day doing our own things. How timely, actually.
Hey silly, if you read this, maybe someday, I want you to know that I hate you, nahh I love you. We've been through ups and downs but we always get back together again. I miss our old times. I'm sorry that sometimes I yelled at you, trust me whenever I did something like that, I felt very guilty. You will always be my little buddy. Always.
I've been feeling really sad for the past few days. I know I'm not alone that feel awful in some days/week when your self esteem is just shot. From other people's view, I have it all. But honestly, no. It is a very different story from my point of view. But not anymore hihi, I'm happy right now that I've got my appetite back.
I'm currently sitting on my favourite armchair with my favourite drink (Bundaberg ginger beer). Umm I'm pretty sure I don't have anything stunningly poignant to say. I just read a novel called 'Its Not Summer Without You' by Jenny Han. The story was about Isabel who just wants everything to stay the same, because change means moving on. I enjoyed the book. I could not help but laugh and cry through the entire book. You should get one.
Warning : cuss here and there.
I'm going to Shah Alam on the 3rd of March yay ;) I'm going to meet my friends, I'll roger you guys later. And for 22nd, results is out. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.
Back when I was a girl, I was having symptoms and was ignoring them. Then my parents made me go to the hospital after I suddenly fell while playing with my cousins. We went to our local hospital and had an MRI, i think? I can't remember. They looked at my results and saw a soft grey white tissue in aggregate of 3cm on the right side of my head. I had the surgery ASAP, a few weeks later because lymph nodes of the head increased both in size and in number. Below is the actual picture.
Nothing comes to mind as I lay here typing away endlessly thinking about appropriate text to follow. It's so quite inside this house, I can echo through the walls -__-" My family don't speak much and we eat alone at different times. We're not trying to avoid each other, um coincidence maybe? But I still love them, always and forever.
Your best friend is happy, of course she is, she has her new boyfriend who loves her.
Your mum chilling around with her friend, leaving you all alone at home when you needed her the most.
Your brother just got home, after partying with his friends, with a big smile on his face-at least he's happy.
And then you looked at yourself in the mirror, and was like 'what's the point?' You've tried so hard to get through to people, but then you think. Who. Who the hell is going to make you happy?
Conclusion is, that's life. Dont obsess over problems no matter how big or small. Or you may forget who you are which is the scariest of all things. You just got to push through it and have a smile on your face.
A dark morning somewhere in Malaysia, she was accompanied by her parents, entering a room crowded with toddlers and hopeful parents. She sat on the chair which her mother told her too. She looked at her surroundings and the girl next to her whispered 'what's your name? I'm Rina', she answered 'Anne'. Ever since then, they had become nearly inseparable. They walked to school together, shared so many memories for only a year. She moved to another 'prison' nearer to her house. She studied there for about 6 months. One day while the teacher was explaining something on the blackboard, her mother came in & said 'Pack your books and belongings honey' 'Okay' she answered. On their way home, she was told that they were going to move to another place.
On a Monday afternoon in 2005, she sat at the balcony, watching other kids playing trampoline. She wanted to swim with her little brother, unfortunately it was winter. Her father came to her,he brought her to Lake Rotorua where she and her little brother running around crazily to scare birds away. She sat on a bench a while later, watching her little brother, sometimes smiling by herself, thinking why does she have two twin brothers who doesn't even care about her. She wants a sister. Her father shouted from the car 'Anne, get in, we're going back' She fell asleep with her dreams in the car.
Blue Mountain 2007, it was winter. She sat in the car, kids are walking passed her left window, throwing snow at each other. She was eating pie. Nobody knows whats on her mind. She opened her windows and stared up into heavens. The clouds were moving lazily. Her hand reached out the window to set her hand on the snow. She feels uncomfortable, cold. She put on her sweater and scarf. 'What are you waiting for?' her mom asked. She smiled and get off the car. She helps her mom to put on gloves to her little brother's tiny hands. She felt something hits her right shoulder. She turned around. Her father was like 'snow fight?', 'bring it on' she said silently. For once in a lifetime, she felt true happiness in her life.
January2010, her father asked her 'Your life is my life, so tell me your decision','Mmmmm'. For the gabazillion times, she moved to another school. Her first kinder when she was four, for a year. Moved to another kinder nearer to her house, for six months. Another city, another kinder for a year. She started her elementary school at the same city for 2 years. On 2003, she moved back to her hometown. Went to another school for 3 years. When she was 13, she went to this school(Im not telling) for a day, yeah a day because she hated the surroundings. Moved to another school, again for six months. Received a letter from a cluster school, and again she moved. She studied there for about two years and moved once again and graduate. She met a lot of friend, learned and experienced a lot.
February 2012 in the afternoon, she sat alone in her room, stared into the rising sun. She thought of life, it's black and white. The whole world was in a swirl, and there she could finally witness the dance of life. And at the end, was her truth revealing itself. She smiled.
My favourite movie. It is about a robot boy programmed to love the woman who adopted him, only to have her abandon him. Also, one of the saddest movie I have ever seen. The ending always gets me. This movie has touched my heart so much that I began to cry whenever I think about it, especially when David's mother left him in the forest. You should check it out.
What is our life? A play of passion, Our mirth the music of division, Our mother's wombs the tiring-houses be, Where we are dressed for this short comedy. Heaven the judicious sharp spectator is, That sits and marks still who doth act amiss. Our graves that hide us from the setting sun Are like drawn curtains when the play is done. Thus march we, playing, to our latest rest, Only we die in earnest, that's no jest.
So I'm a new blogger. I've made this blog to express myself so my wild thoughts won't stuck in my head and drive me crazy. Hopefully I could connect with other blogger somehow. And I'll try to blog as often as time allows me too, um Im kinda lazy sometimes so toodles ;)