Update

Hi, here I am slowly vacuumed into an abyss of destruction. I'm borrowing my brothers laptop because mine is dying and I'm not going to purchase another; I kinda think I have a future and a laptop isn't needed for the career. 

No, this post will not be about Millia because I am not ready, I am still in love with her.

This is just a short update of how I have been, to those loyal reader of a shitty writer. I was recently awaken by certain events that bought me to a realization, that no matter how much effort you've shown, how nicely you are dressed, how many chances you've wasted, you will never be enough for anyone. That had left me to my very first real heartbreak. I will talk about my love life later. I have been home for almost a year, it's not because of I'm lazy to work my ass off and find a job. I had and I'm having troubles, but I think I'm ready for an interview soon because I need to leave and be alive. I love home, I love the garden, I love seeing my mother but there's a dark side of it whether its the house or the energy. I'm ready to leave.

I opened my eyes this morning, feeling happy despite my ruined bodyclock. Because I knew today I was going to be surrounded by nature. And me, who in the photo that has faded in the envelope still smiles at vanished sun. I spent today by attaching my butt to a rock on a hill, reading Anne Frank which I had bought finally after years and years of forgetting the most important book by filling the shelf with the weird ones. Does it hurt when you see forests being burned? Hows destroying nature be called progress?

My relationship has been rough. What does it means when what usually kills you doesn't hurt you anymore? Figure it out yourself. I have a picture of my 40 years old me living alone near a zoo with 50 cats and 2 cubs. The light is already dim here. Should I try to spark our love again? How? Why would I break myself?