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A mother's journey, Sacramento Bee Photography

Recuerdos Inolvidables

Growing old just brings sorrow. But you have no choice. You're gonna make it someday. Lift up your eyes and see the sun is rising. Be amazing.
    2001, every evening I would go to Ibu', my Indonesian aunt's house which only took a few minutes. I would talk to her, help her in the kitchen. There was a swing tied to a tree in front of her house so we would play there sometimes. It was relaxing because the house was just a few meters away from the beach. She would tell me stories. How she missed her daughter, how things were back then. But I'm sure she's okay right now because she finally met her daughter.
     Siblings. Siblings. Hm. I have two unidentical twin brothers. 22 years old. We were perfect back then. They treated me like a princess. We played together, we watched tv together. But then, when I was 5, just in a click, everything's gone. Until now, we don't talk unless it's important. We would laugh at the same thing but no, no talking. You don't want to be me. Trust me. And I don't know why. Why? No. Echo-ing in heart.
     I was sitting outside of the house, talking to the moon. Not really. It was winter. I was playing with the smoke that came out from my mouth. Then this old man came to me and was like "You want some cake?(holding a plate full of cake)". I said no. It looks delicious but nahh he's a stranger duh. He was too drunk that he told me how he used to be happy with his wife, his kids. I don't even know what was the reason because he went silent for a while and started talking in a different language and pointing at the cars, locus and the pool. He sounded luctisonus but he didn't stop smiling I swear. He made my gloomy night tho. I hope he's happy right now.
     But sometimes, I feel like running away you know? Like.. just run.. and not turning back. I want to forget everyone, everything. Like last July, I rode the jet ski and didn't realized that I was drifting around too far. That feeling, when you just flew away, you don't care about anything, was just amazing. The only thing I could see was the red flag that the man at the beach waved at me.

Me

Yesterday : Hungry     

Today : Hungry 

Tomorrow : Hungry

Next week : Hungry

Next month : Hungry 

Apocalypse : Hungry

Respect

The night before the burial of her husband 2nd Lt. James Cathey of the United States Marine Corps, killed in Iraq, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of him, and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. "I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it" she said. "I think that's what he would have wanted".

Not sure what is more honorable. Being married to this faithful wife to the end or the Marine standing next to the casket watching over them both.

Haunted

In Rural Wisconsin, there is an old abandoned park. Built in the 1920s, it served as the town's gathering place for everyone.

That is, until a newly developed Train and Tunnel for Tots ride was installed in 1932. It was an innocent looking childish train, with one main (mechanized) head car, with three small trolleys pulled behind it. It went around some loops before going into a small tunnel.

But this is where the story gets weird. There were numerous cases of child deaths that year, all of them happening after the child rode on that train system. Some kids went missing in that short tunnel (about ten feet) and others went comatose after leaving. One, upon exiting, was found to be dead. Her dress was covered in what looked like small bloody handprints. Some killed themselves by scratching at their throats until they bled out, and one of them even killed another child before hanging herself with razor fire at the family's farm.

The park was closed, and the town's popularity as a tourist town plummeted.

Recently, a team of scientists were sent out to the park. They taped a video camera to the train, and put a new intern in with it, before sending it on its way onto the tracks.

When the train left the tunnel, it was empty, except for the camera. The last then seconds were nothing but static, save for the sound of children laughing.

RIP Olivia

She had everything to live for but, worn down by years of brutal bullying from her peers, 19-year-old Olivia Penpraze's inner demons finally got the better of her. Her parents made the heart-wrenching decision to turn off her life-support machine after she was left brain dead following a suicide attempt.

This was her last message post :

Dear all my lovely followers,

I'm posting this to tell you all goodbye.

I'm sorry that I haven't been on much, I'm sorry I haven't been here for you guys even though I know you all seem to be here for me. It's not fair, and I'm sorry.

Lately, things have just sunk so low, and it's made me realise that it's time for me to go. My mind has finally realized it too, that being alive just isn't working for me, and it's finally clicked, finally my mind has lost the little part of it that wanted to keep living and to keep pushing through. I'm glad that it's finally happened, because it was so hard to fight with myself between living and dying, but now I've finally won, and death it will be.

It's too late to say or do anything that will change my mind, I'm certain of this.

I can't find anything to live for anymore, the only thing I want is to be dead, I don't care what happens to me when I die, I have my beliefs of a happier place, but I don't even care if I go to hell, because anything is better than this life.

I can't express how sorry I am that it's come to this. I never wanted to hurt anyone other than myself. And I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry. I think I'm filled with so much guilt over everything, the only thing I can do is apologise for everything. 

I just can't live with this pain anymore, and I've been trying hard for so long to make it better, but I just can't fix anything, and I've given up on trying, and I'm sorry for that too.

Please just know that this is what I want, if you want the best for me and want me to be happy, you'll let me go through with this. Please understand that this is the only option I have, please understand that I can't do this anymore, I just can't.

Again, I'm so sorry, please stay strong, all of you who are struggling and remember that your life is worth it. I know it's contradictory, but your lives will get better, and you will find things to live for, you will be happy. All the terrible things in your lives with eventually go away. It will be okay, I promise.

I will still be here until at least friday night, but after then, if I stop posting, you will know why. I think it's better writing this in advanced, I don't know.

But just know that this is my goodbye.

Thank you all for everything that I've done, without Tumblr,  I wouldn't be able to hold on this long.

Goodbye,

Love Olivia 

I wish I could've known this gorgeous girl. She must've been really something. In the minutes I watched her singing video, I cried. She looked so happy but I can see the pain in her eyes. The moment that she said "I'm sorry" twice at the end of her last video has hit me so much. She didn't deserve to die, no matter what anyone says. Rip beautiful angel. Be free, baby xx

Explosion of sobs

Did you ever feel like you loved someone, more than they loved you, more than they could ever realised?

Did you ever feel like you were drowning under the weight of your own life?

Did you ever feel like you were slowly breaking, fighting for breath trying to escape?

The only thing I've done is smile, and try to be strong.